Dear Trapped In A Whore House

Dear Trapped In A Whore House:

Let me first let you know the smile that crossed my face at your use of the word "shag", how very Austin Powers of you. With that said you are in a pretty tuff situation with Princess Screws A Lot. I think the first thing you need to do is repeat after me, "I can not change someone else. And I can not help someone if they don't want help". Say that a take a couple deeps breaths every time you are about to smack her upside the head with a condom box. If her actions are really bothering you, obviously you are concerned, then I would say call a roommate meeting. Express your concern to her and let her know that her actions are impacting your sleep. Just because she wants to have wild and crazy headboard slamming sex, doesn't mean you have to be kept awake. Maybe she needs it explained to her how to be considerate? Now about the friends boyfriend drama, yikes. Glad I'm not in that situation. I can't believe he brought his dog to a bootie call. How funny! I feel that it's the responsibility  of your frisky friends to fess up to the guys girlfriend. If she wont do it, that puts you in a tough spot. You are friends with both girls and are running the risk of having them both very upset with you. Frisky friend upset for you "ratting her out" and Guys Girlfriend Friend just because you are the messenger. Walk lightly here Trapped. This has to be your call. If it were me, I would tell Guys Girlfriend Friend, because I would want to know. Just know that the fallout from this may not be the most fun. Until then maybe buy some of those noise stopping earphone things for the next time your roommate decides to release her wild side!

Best Of Luck Escaping The Whore House,

Gossip Girl B